11 Feb 2016

Whatever You Do, Don’t Say ‘Divorce Is Not An Option’

It’s likely you’ve overheard a friend say something to this effect: “Divorce is not an option.”

But the truth is, no one goes into marriage with the intention of splitting up. At best, the statement is naive — at worst, it’s a little offensive. While staying married is certainly a worthy goal, sometimes — in cases of emotional and physical abuse, for instance — divorce is the only imaginable option.

In light of that, we asked HuffPost Divorce bloggers to share why divorce was the best option for them after years of marriage.

1. “Sometimes, splitting up is the only thing left to do. My ex and I tried everything: date nights, long talks, counseling, more sex, more affection, taking a break from each other, fulfilling our own separate needs, together and apart — we simply could not make it work. It’s a terrible feeling, to visit a friend out of state and break down sobbing because you don’t want to go home again, but that’s where I was. We get along better as co-parents now than we ever did as spouses, and I’m convinced our children are better for it, as they get to have two happy, fully-functioning parents.” — Kasey Ferris 

2. “Marriage is not synonymous with guarantee. Although it’s less romantic to think of it this way, life is full of gray. In a fading relationship, there comes a time when in-depth discussions, stern sit-downs and ultimatums no longer apply. Divorce becomes an option and not for lack of trying. It is not a failure.” —Cindy Withjack

3. “Divorce was the only option for me because the man I married no longer existed. Or he never did. Either way it became clear that I could no longer be married to someone who hit me and talked down to me. ‘Till death do us part’ became a closer reality than I ever thought and that’s when I knew I had to leave. — Jeanette B. 

4. “You know how in ‘Titanic,’ Rose survives because she recognizes that — with Jack hanging onto the wooden board with her — she can’t survive? In marriage, some decisions are just as difficult. You reason with yourself that you can stay in the marriage, but it is likely you will both drown. From sorrow. Anger. Resentment. Pain. Whatever cancer is ailing your marriage. The other option is choosing to save yourself. ‘Failure is not an option’ is a lovely sentiment until it applies to a life that is drowning you. Failure happens, and it doesn’t mean you are weak, careless or any less of a person. It means that you care about the quality of your life and ultimate survival.” — Michela Montgomery

5.Sometimes two people just aren’t suited. I suspect those who post ‘divorce is not an option for me’ see divorce as a cop out, but misery and martyrdom aren’t a badge of honor.” — Beth Cone Kramer

read the full list here: http://huff.to/1QYzX61

We would recommend that couples should contact us for advice at the Law Office of Alice Pare at 301-515-1190 or visit our website at: https://www.alicelaw.com

Do not at any time take the risky move of going at it alone.  We have a wide choice when it comes to going it alone but with the professional advice you will need.

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