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11 Feb 2016

Yes, It’s Possible To Divorce Without Ruining Your Kids’ Lives

When I was contemplating my separation, my greatest fear was that I would ruin my kids’ lives forever. Thankfully, the universe intervened, showing me that I felt I had no other choice but to leave. It was time — no more excuses and no more hiding away from the things that were happening in my life at the time.

I had an idealistic view about what my family life would look like, and the life that I was in was far from that reality. My entire world and patterns of behaviour that I had grown to know had become foreign to me.

I felt deeply unhappy and restless within myself. The vibrant, energetic mum I had imagined myself to be was nothing more than a past desire. I was closed off, stressed, and, in many ways, so uncertain about who I was.

Like all mums I’m sure, I wanted the best for my kids. I was conscious they were getting older, and I knew that as the years went on their life experiences and influences would become more cemented. What they had grown to know at that point about their family dynamic was not what I wanted them to experience ongoing.

On the surface, life looked OK, but beneath, the environment around them was not harmonious. People kept telling me that kids were resilient and they’d manage if I separated, but I was scared of the unknown.

Being a single mum of two-year-old twins (at the time) was not what I’d signed up for, and with my mum and sister going through their own troubles, I knew the support around me would be limited. What I have come to learn is that if a separation is handled in the right way — and what I mean by that is that your kids’ well-being drives the process of separation rather than your own ego — it is possible for your kids to transition well.

My kids have been incredible during the transitions and upheavals.

Why?

Fundamentally, because I allowed their needs — not the hurt and anger I felt at the time — to drive the process. Our kids are here to teach us many valuable things about ourselves, some of which we won’t like, but if we embrace this knowledge, we can learn to heal and, eventually, to love who we transition into.

I won’t lie. Of course, there have been heartbreaking moments where my kids were upset and could not be consoled for a while. In that moment, the only thing you can do to soothe them is to sit quietly with them, cuddle them, and reassure them that you are there.

To me, there is no point in brushing their feelings away by saying it’s OK because clearly, in that moment, it’s really not OK for them. I want to encourage my kids to express their emotions, to allow their emotions to rise, not to push them down and pretend all is well.

you can find the rest of the article here: http://huff.to/1o3V3Gp

We would recommend that couples should contact us for advice at the Law Office of Alice Pare at 301-515-1190 or visit our website at: https://www.alicelaw.com

Do not at any time take the risky move of going at it alone.  We have a wide choice when it comes to going it alone but with the professional advice you will need.

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